On this side of the door
I have read about You in the Gospel of Luke – when You came to the Pharisee’s house, where Jesus was served*.
You came there holding an alabaster flask of ointment, crying at His feet, and started watering them with Your tears and wiping with Your hair...
Your repentance is shocking, surprising, and full of regret and love for The Forgiving. It is also very brave - to invade like that, and burst out weeping...
“Therefore I tell You, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little....", Christ’s voice resounded to the Pharisee who condemned You, and apparently to everyone who is unconscious of one’s sinfulness, but sees it so brightly in others.
How did it feel like when You were set as an example to the Pharisee? After all, it is a slap in the face ... Being a Well Known Sinner in Town - as Luke refers to You – You came to Christ in a broken heart, and became a model to the smart Pharisee with apparently impeccable reputation.
And for us...
Finally, You heard the words: “Your faith has saved You. Go in peace”.
I believe You went in peace, but...
On the other side of the door
What happened after You left the Pharisee’s house – that unique and life-changing encounter with Christ?
After all, probably only a few people saw what had happened - You accepted the Lord’s forgiveness.
I suppose many people cultivating the word of God in their own country (and town) did not know what had happened between You and Christ. Yet many others did not even believe that He is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world and Yours. In the eyes of many, You remained the same as You had been before...
Sometimes I wonder why You have become well known for Your sinfulness. Is it because You were used by many of the “righteous” ones, or is it because many of the town-dwellers were aware of Your “work” at the time You embraced the portion of sins... Wasn’t it search for love and warmth that tripped You so bad…?
What were the looks You encountered when You went back in town?
I have no doubt that Your look was already different - radiant, happy and thirsty for life. A different, new life. Maybe even to prove to Yourself and to others that You can do it. And that You are hungry for it. After Jesus touched You, and You touched Him.
I believe that You left the Pharisee’s house without the burden of sin, because the Lord forgave YOU...
Not the people, though.
Especially, probably not the ones that were somehow touched by Your sinfulness. I wonder why the Lord did not demand You to go to them with the flasks of ointment. I am surprised that He did not tell You to go to those You sinned against, and serve them as long as You are forgiven ... (Although I am sure that You would have gladly went and washed their feet.)
Christ told YOU: “Go IN PEACE”…
Were You in peace indeed?
Sometimes it seems that I see You walking down the town streets, wrapped in the Lord’s forgiveness. I also see how well known and unknown town people are trying to tear off that precious robe of Yours...
These people are fighters for sacredness. They are certainly as soulful as the Pharisee who invited Jesus for dinner.
I believe there were also those who had seen the footprint of God’s mercy in Your life, but still...
Those who do not see, shake their heads, knot, clench, and backbite. Who can stop their gossip and hate towards You?
- How dare THIS WOMAN show her radiant face among US as if she has never sinned?
– How dare SHE come into the house of God, and pray??
– How dare THIS WOMAN make sacrifices to our Lord?
– Does she expect to be welcomed as if nothing happened? Stop playing jokes!
– How dare THIS WOMAN... <...>
Those who are more truculent maybe spit in Your face, or pull at Your coat...
And those who used You, - didn’t they ridicule You when You said You had lived a New life? Didn’t they attempt to prove that it is not worth it, as You are still known only as a sinner?.. (Good God, was there at least someone who supported You, when You wanted to straighten Yourself?)
Well known sinner in town, You are so unlucky You sinned in the country, where the Word of God is so very well known. It is definitely not easy to be among those who know His Word, but ... not His heart.
Whereas You had a chance to discover It. To discover the secret of the Lord’s forgiveness lying in His heart and His Eternal Wounds ... Repentance – the mystery and miracle of all-changing repentance.
It seems to me that the survivors of this miracle are no longer willing to judge other sinners just like the Pharisee condemned You (and thereby Christ: “If this man were a prophet ...”) with his mindset. They do not judge anymore, because they realize to be sinners themselves... Yet it seems to me that the survivors of this miracle love both well-known and unknown sinners. They pray for them and they cry for them, because it is such a misfortune to be deceived, enticed and enslaved by sin...
Dear woman, those who despised You – where are they now?
And today, those who despise well-known (and unknown) sinners in town - what are their hearts? And if today they invite Christ to their homes – would they welcome Him with head erect just like the Pharisee, or just like You – in humble service to Him?
Yet, it seems I hear You whisper: “Lord forgives what people sometimes are unable to forgive ... Know that He will repay to each man according to his work. Accept people’s court and gossip as a gift from God. Do not judge or condemn those who judge, slander and condemn the ones fallen into sin. Instead, bless them by meekly turning the other cheek - if You are among those that are slandered or abused. Humble heart does not judge, but cries together with the sinners; it cries for their sins. You know that He cares only about gentle and humble heart: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.”**. And remember - only the merciful shall receive mercy.
Like that becoming dear to me, the well known sinner in town ... You teach me so much every time I read about You. You have become a consolation to all who fall into sin but desire to recover and live again. You are an encouragement to anyone seeking repentance and forgiveness.
By the way, I would like to call You by name if only I knew it. Yet Your name seems like it remained just like that: Well Known Sinner in Town.
Many have got to know You like that.
Only Christ has seen You different - Very loving, Contrite, and Serving Him.
Apparently, He wants us to see You just like that.
Different.
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*Lk 7, 37-50
** Ps 51, 17
Aurelija Umbrasienė
Translation from Lithuanian by Solveiga Vainauskaitė
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